I am an American who has lived in Leeuwarden since 1992. I am a second-year student at NHLStenden and am following the Flex Opleiding to become an English teacher.
View all posts by anjadebertstudentnhlstendencom
16 thoughts on “DWP #7: Growth”
“Relax.
You will become an adult.
You will figure out your career.
You will find someone who loves you.
You have a whole lifetime; time takes time.
The only way to fail at life is to abstain”.
This quote defines for me becoming an adult. As a 20-year- old, I feel like I am an adult and ‘I can make life decisions on my own’ but I think the opposite is more likely to be true.
As a 20-year-old, you feel like you achieved a lot; surviving middle school, going to an MBO course, living abroad for some time and now doing an HBO study. Well, congrats to you. But you still haven’t faced the real world.
Yes, you have travelled a long way to your destination, but you haven’t crossed that line yet.
In my opinion you are an adult, if you can take care of your own and of your loved ones. Loved ones is a broad concept. With loved ones, I mean; husband (or wife), kids and your own parents. If you can do this and still breathe, eat and sleep; you are a real adult.
I am looking forward to that period of my life. I hope someday, I can be blessed with all those loved ones around me and be the true adult I also tried to be as an 20 year old and look back at those ‘childish’ times.
There are a lot of things to be named here, but in modern-day society there is a lot of infantilism, as Stephen Fry (2017) puts it. People want opinions and ideas presented to them black-and-white style, so they do not have to think for themselves. Colleges have become a home away from home, rather than a place for adults to learn something, and I’ve seen people feeling personally attacked or putting others down in that manner, simply over somebody else’s opinion. It’s upsetting to see that students don’t go there to be subjected to contrasting views and finding out they were wrong about a lot of things. Instead, everything is kept as safe as possible.
An easy example is from class, where during the feedback round somebody felt the need to clarify that her criticism isn’t personal, and she doesn’t want to be mean. Why? Why is it necessary to say that when learning and constructive criticism is what we’re here for? By all means, tell me I’m wrong and my ideas need improvement, or else I won’t get anywhere.
In my eyes, what defines an adult the most is the ability to digest complicated ideas and opinions and to respond to them in a manner that is appropriate. This means that you don’t interrupt somebody when they’ve barely opened their mouth, you don’t pick on somebody’s age because you have nothing better to say, and you certainly don’t act like a public disgrace by screaming on the streets after a certain person gets elected US President. In that sense, many people spanning across all generations have some growing up to do.
What we shouldn’t forget, however, is that growth is a work in progress, and it is hard.
Excellent clip (love Stephen Fry). It also supports your piece well. It would be good material for an ethics class. Your last line is a wise touch of empathy for us mere mortals.
Growing up is relative. It depends on the individual and what they believe to be an adult or a child. I don’t believe it is based on age or physical appearance. I believe it is a choice that you make for yourself whether you are ready to grow up or are still stuck in old behaviour.
Of course, physically you change. You grow taller, you grow bigger, stronger. But does this necessarily mean that you become mature? Growing old is obligatory but growing up is a choice.
Milestones such as, moving out of your parents house, attending university, or even graduating high school do play a part in the journey towards becoming an adult but to what extent? Is a 21 year old living on their own, eating pizza every night grown up? Or are they immature due to the fact that they now have no guidelines and do whatever they feel like without thinking of the consequences?
In my opinion, someone becomes an adult and mature when they realise that they have the freedom to do whatever they want, but that they choose to do what they need instead. They understand what is important in life and can make choices based on logic.
I believe I will never grow up completely. I am mature and I do base my choices on necessities rather than yearnings but I can also tell myself not too take everything so seriously. Life is meant to be enjoyed and yes you have responsibilities to fulfil but why not have fun while you’re at it!
A very sound argument. You give a thoughtfully-expressed comparison of the simple difference between “old” and “up” in this context. Just when I was wondering if I meet your standards for “up”, your last paragraph was some warm and cheerful comfort (without being a free pass!). Thanks.
Though I consider myself a bit inexperienced and young, I have started taking steps towards adulthood throughout the last year. To me, the key moments, the milestones that show growth are personal and depend on the individual.
In my case, this was portrayed in a vacation I took with friends. Having been an avid traveller for almost my entire life, I had been on a lot of journeys though never without my family. All of the flights, bus rides, bookings and tickets had been arranged, printed and kept save for me until this vacation. Those responsibilities were now in my hands. That was a big milestone for me, and as I mentioned earlier, a very personal one. Not a lot of people share this experience with me, however, they do share the central theme of it. Learning to do things without aid from family or friends is something a lot of adolescents have encountered.
This central theme can occur in plenty of situations and lives. Learning how to cook for yourself or live by yourself, how to apply for jobs, how to pay taxes. These all fall under that central theme of learning and doing independently for the first time.
I believe that becoming self-reliant, responsible and capable truly show how mature a person genuinely is, not age or not accomplishments.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. It explains your posit of milestones being personal well, but also makes me very interested in your piece. You may be young in age, but it sounds to me like you’ve got some good wisdom.
If I may be perfectly honest, I believe that the terms growing up and becoming adult mean different things, while some people may be adults they are not necessarily grown up, on the other hand there are cases where a minor can be very mature in their behavior.
To me becoming an adult is a purely physical things, everyone who live long enough will eventually become an adult, this can not be stopped and we don’t have any real influence over it, whether you want it or not, unless you choose the easy way out, you are gonna become an adult. Now when we are talking about growing up, now that is a whole different story. I believe that growing up means changing mentally and I don’t mean suddenly understanding everything, because no one does, but rather being more aware of things around you and more responsible for the actions you undertake. While not in all cases, in most of them children do not care as much about the things they do, but as they grow a develop they start to find themselves in a position where the world literally forces them to think deeper about their choices, actions and undertakings.
To sum it up, while the answer may be kind of boring, I believe that growing up means to realize that you have responsibilities to uphold and that there are consequences to the actions you do, now whatever you do with that realization depends on a person, some may disregard it entirely, some may try to adapt to the society while others will try to reject it. It is no about you doing things, but rather having a better idea of what you are doing.
I like your emphasis on responsibility, and with the low threshold of simply starting by being aware and thinking about what you’re doing, everyone has the chance to become a real adult if they want.
Milestones in becoming an adult can vary. It depends what your perspective on the situation is, for one moving into your own apartment could be something completely normal, while another person might say that this is a big milestone in their life.
One of the biggest milestones in my life would be taking care of my family. My mother has problems with her heart and because of this, she isn’t always able to do heavy lifting. There are days when she doesn’t leave her bed, because she doesn’t have the energy.
I have a younger sister and a younger brother, who both aren’t always capable of taking care of themselves. My dad has a full-time job at NS and he owns his own shop and garage. My dad takes as many days of as he can, but sometimes this is not an option. If that is the case I must step up, and make sure that at the end of the day we have dinner on the table, and that my siblings have done their homework.
At first, I wasn’t sure if I could handle all the responsibilities, but after a while I got used to it. I have a schedule that makes sure everything that needs to be done is finished by the end of the day.
I think that because of this situation I had to grow up a little bit faster than some of my friends. They sometimes don’t get why I can’t hang out, but that is fine. I am happy with the way things are, I made the best out of a situation.
I admire how well you’ve passed this milestone. You can rightly feel proud of the strength and resilience you’ve discovered and fostered within yourself. It sounds like you are part of very loving family.
I don’t think there is a specific milestone for becoming an adult, I find it hard to say. Some elderly people told me that there is always a child hidden in an adults body and I love that idea!
When I saw the quote “kids grow really fast, adults face problems in growing up”, I found that one good to think deeper about. I mean, there is so many pressure from the outside world, it is constantly pushing you to do whatever is “the right way”. But I think there is no right way to live your life. It is okay to be 30 and still single, it is okay if you don’t want children and it is okay if you are 50 and you want to make a career change. It’s okay to be different. I think people should mind their own business, and let people do wherever they believe in!
There is no milestone for being an adult, it is just an indication for an age you’re having.
An original approach stating that there are no milestones. It emphasizes your point that you don’t have to follow the crowd well. I’m going to remember what those elderly people told you – thanks for passing it along!
What makes one an adult is a rather interesting question. While there are many ideas of what makes one an adult I find it a rather vague concept. Biologically an adult is someone who is sexually mature, in law, an adult is someone who is 18 years or older. However, when I think of an adult I think of a person who knows the basics of being human but these basics are biased towards my opinion. In my opinion, an adult is someone over the age of 18 who is developed enough to understand norms and values and act upon them. Ergo, someone with a frontal cortex developed enough to understand what consequences their actions have and someone who can think rationally overall. However, the problem remains that a lot in our society lacks these skills or develop them earlier on, in some cases, it just takes a little longer because humans are incredibly complex and different and some just never seem to reach adulthood. Like a certain president with the vocabulary, diet and emotional stability of an 8-year old. Reflecting on myself I had a quite unnormal youth so I grew up quickly on certain fronts like being able to cook actual meals and taking care of my sister, however, when I was 18 I also lagged a little behind on social skills and planning skills. Which leaves the question, am I an adult yet? Which brings me back to my opening statement, the term adult is rather vague when used outside of defining sexual maturity.
First of all being an adult is a very broad concept. Some people think you’re an adult when you turn 18, others think you’re an adult when you move out, or buy a house, start a family, get engaged or married, graduate, get a job. Or when you’re mentally mature, the last one throws it off I think. With the way the world is and all the horrible things that are happening some kids have to grow up way too fast and don’t get to experience being a child or would need to be the man of the house for example or parent their siblings while they’re still children themselves. If you would base it on that people could be adults at 8 years old.
I do think there are milestones though. Like owning up to your actions and facing the consequences without taking a victim role if you’re not the victim. Being able to take care of yourself and the people you need to take care of like a spouse, children or family members. You need to have a steady income and be able to stand your ground. You need to know your self-worth and not let anybody change that.
Daily Writing Prompts 
“Relax.
You will become an adult.
You will figure out your career.
You will find someone who loves you.
You have a whole lifetime; time takes time.
The only way to fail at life is to abstain”.
This quote defines for me becoming an adult. As a 20-year- old, I feel like I am an adult and ‘I can make life decisions on my own’ but I think the opposite is more likely to be true.
As a 20-year-old, you feel like you achieved a lot; surviving middle school, going to an MBO course, living abroad for some time and now doing an HBO study. Well, congrats to you. But you still haven’t faced the real world.
Yes, you have travelled a long way to your destination, but you haven’t crossed that line yet.
In my opinion you are an adult, if you can take care of your own and of your loved ones. Loved ones is a broad concept. With loved ones, I mean; husband (or wife), kids and your own parents. If you can do this and still breathe, eat and sleep; you are a real adult.
I am looking forward to that period of my life. I hope someday, I can be blessed with all those loved ones around me and be the true adult I also tried to be as an 20 year old and look back at those ‘childish’ times.
Martine Schrik – EN2C
LikeLiked by 1 person
How wonderful that you include your loved ones and count them as a blessing, especially in this day and age when so many are so individualistic.
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There are a lot of things to be named here, but in modern-day society there is a lot of infantilism, as Stephen Fry (2017) puts it. People want opinions and ideas presented to them black-and-white style, so they do not have to think for themselves. Colleges have become a home away from home, rather than a place for adults to learn something, and I’ve seen people feeling personally attacked or putting others down in that manner, simply over somebody else’s opinion. It’s upsetting to see that students don’t go there to be subjected to contrasting views and finding out they were wrong about a lot of things. Instead, everything is kept as safe as possible.
An easy example is from class, where during the feedback round somebody felt the need to clarify that her criticism isn’t personal, and she doesn’t want to be mean. Why? Why is it necessary to say that when learning and constructive criticism is what we’re here for? By all means, tell me I’m wrong and my ideas need improvement, or else I won’t get anywhere.
In my eyes, what defines an adult the most is the ability to digest complicated ideas and opinions and to respond to them in a manner that is appropriate. This means that you don’t interrupt somebody when they’ve barely opened their mouth, you don’t pick on somebody’s age because you have nothing better to say, and you certainly don’t act like a public disgrace by screaming on the streets after a certain person gets elected US President. In that sense, many people spanning across all generations have some growing up to do.
What we shouldn’t forget, however, is that growth is a work in progress, and it is hard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent clip (love Stephen Fry). It also supports your piece well. It would be good material for an ethics class. Your last line is a wise touch of empathy for us mere mortals.
LikeLike
Growing up is relative. It depends on the individual and what they believe to be an adult or a child. I don’t believe it is based on age or physical appearance. I believe it is a choice that you make for yourself whether you are ready to grow up or are still stuck in old behaviour.
Of course, physically you change. You grow taller, you grow bigger, stronger. But does this necessarily mean that you become mature? Growing old is obligatory but growing up is a choice.
Milestones such as, moving out of your parents house, attending university, or even graduating high school do play a part in the journey towards becoming an adult but to what extent? Is a 21 year old living on their own, eating pizza every night grown up? Or are they immature due to the fact that they now have no guidelines and do whatever they feel like without thinking of the consequences?
In my opinion, someone becomes an adult and mature when they realise that they have the freedom to do whatever they want, but that they choose to do what they need instead. They understand what is important in life and can make choices based on logic.
I believe I will never grow up completely. I am mature and I do base my choices on necessities rather than yearnings but I can also tell myself not too take everything so seriously. Life is meant to be enjoyed and yes you have responsibilities to fulfil but why not have fun while you’re at it!
Femke Calame Fonville, 2A.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A very sound argument. You give a thoughtfully-expressed comparison of the simple difference between “old” and “up” in this context. Just when I was wondering if I meet your standards for “up”, your last paragraph was some warm and cheerful comfort (without being a free pass!). Thanks.
LikeLike
Though I consider myself a bit inexperienced and young, I have started taking steps towards adulthood throughout the last year. To me, the key moments, the milestones that show growth are personal and depend on the individual.
In my case, this was portrayed in a vacation I took with friends. Having been an avid traveller for almost my entire life, I had been on a lot of journeys though never without my family. All of the flights, bus rides, bookings and tickets had been arranged, printed and kept save for me until this vacation. Those responsibilities were now in my hands. That was a big milestone for me, and as I mentioned earlier, a very personal one. Not a lot of people share this experience with me, however, they do share the central theme of it. Learning to do things without aid from family or friends is something a lot of adolescents have encountered.
This central theme can occur in plenty of situations and lives. Learning how to cook for yourself or live by yourself, how to apply for jobs, how to pay taxes. These all fall under that central theme of learning and doing independently for the first time.
I believe that becoming self-reliant, responsible and capable truly show how mature a person genuinely is, not age or not accomplishments.
Juliet Wind, 1D
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. It explains your posit of milestones being personal well, but also makes me very interested in your piece. You may be young in age, but it sounds to me like you’ve got some good wisdom.
LikeLike
If I may be perfectly honest, I believe that the terms growing up and becoming adult mean different things, while some people may be adults they are not necessarily grown up, on the other hand there are cases where a minor can be very mature in their behavior.
To me becoming an adult is a purely physical things, everyone who live long enough will eventually become an adult, this can not be stopped and we don’t have any real influence over it, whether you want it or not, unless you choose the easy way out, you are gonna become an adult. Now when we are talking about growing up, now that is a whole different story. I believe that growing up means changing mentally and I don’t mean suddenly understanding everything, because no one does, but rather being more aware of things around you and more responsible for the actions you undertake. While not in all cases, in most of them children do not care as much about the things they do, but as they grow a develop they start to find themselves in a position where the world literally forces them to think deeper about their choices, actions and undertakings.
To sum it up, while the answer may be kind of boring, I believe that growing up means to realize that you have responsibilities to uphold and that there are consequences to the actions you do, now whatever you do with that realization depends on a person, some may disregard it entirely, some may try to adapt to the society while others will try to reject it. It is no about you doing things, but rather having a better idea of what you are doing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like your emphasis on responsibility, and with the low threshold of simply starting by being aware and thinking about what you’re doing, everyone has the chance to become a real adult if they want.
LikeLike
Milestones in becoming an adult can vary. It depends what your perspective on the situation is, for one moving into your own apartment could be something completely normal, while another person might say that this is a big milestone in their life.
One of the biggest milestones in my life would be taking care of my family. My mother has problems with her heart and because of this, she isn’t always able to do heavy lifting. There are days when she doesn’t leave her bed, because she doesn’t have the energy.
I have a younger sister and a younger brother, who both aren’t always capable of taking care of themselves. My dad has a full-time job at NS and he owns his own shop and garage. My dad takes as many days of as he can, but sometimes this is not an option. If that is the case I must step up, and make sure that at the end of the day we have dinner on the table, and that my siblings have done their homework.
At first, I wasn’t sure if I could handle all the responsibilities, but after a while I got used to it. I have a schedule that makes sure everything that needs to be done is finished by the end of the day.
I think that because of this situation I had to grow up a little bit faster than some of my friends. They sometimes don’t get why I can’t hang out, but that is fine. I am happy with the way things are, I made the best out of a situation.
Sabrina Spaan – VO Engels 2C
LikeLiked by 1 person
I admire how well you’ve passed this milestone. You can rightly feel proud of the strength and resilience you’ve discovered and fostered within yourself. It sounds like you are part of very loving family.
LikeLike
I don’t think there is a specific milestone for becoming an adult, I find it hard to say. Some elderly people told me that there is always a child hidden in an adults body and I love that idea!
When I saw the quote “kids grow really fast, adults face problems in growing up”, I found that one good to think deeper about. I mean, there is so many pressure from the outside world, it is constantly pushing you to do whatever is “the right way”. But I think there is no right way to live your life. It is okay to be 30 and still single, it is okay if you don’t want children and it is okay if you are 50 and you want to make a career change. It’s okay to be different. I think people should mind their own business, and let people do wherever they believe in!
There is no milestone for being an adult, it is just an indication for an age you’re having.
LikeLiked by 1 person
An original approach stating that there are no milestones. It emphasizes your point that you don’t have to follow the crowd well. I’m going to remember what those elderly people told you – thanks for passing it along!
LikeLike
What makes one an adult is a rather interesting question. While there are many ideas of what makes one an adult I find it a rather vague concept. Biologically an adult is someone who is sexually mature, in law, an adult is someone who is 18 years or older. However, when I think of an adult I think of a person who knows the basics of being human but these basics are biased towards my opinion. In my opinion, an adult is someone over the age of 18 who is developed enough to understand norms and values and act upon them. Ergo, someone with a frontal cortex developed enough to understand what consequences their actions have and someone who can think rationally overall. However, the problem remains that a lot in our society lacks these skills or develop them earlier on, in some cases, it just takes a little longer because humans are incredibly complex and different and some just never seem to reach adulthood. Like a certain president with the vocabulary, diet and emotional stability of an 8-year old. Reflecting on myself I had a quite unnormal youth so I grew up quickly on certain fronts like being able to cook actual meals and taking care of my sister, however, when I was 18 I also lagged a little behind on social skills and planning skills. Which leaves the question, am I an adult yet? Which brings me back to my opening statement, the term adult is rather vague when used outside of defining sexual maturity.
LikeLiked by 1 person
First of all being an adult is a very broad concept. Some people think you’re an adult when you turn 18, others think you’re an adult when you move out, or buy a house, start a family, get engaged or married, graduate, get a job. Or when you’re mentally mature, the last one throws it off I think. With the way the world is and all the horrible things that are happening some kids have to grow up way too fast and don’t get to experience being a child or would need to be the man of the house for example or parent their siblings while they’re still children themselves. If you would base it on that people could be adults at 8 years old.
I do think there are milestones though. Like owning up to your actions and facing the consequences without taking a victim role if you’re not the victim. Being able to take care of yourself and the people you need to take care of like a spouse, children or family members. You need to have a steady income and be able to stand your ground. You need to know your self-worth and not let anybody change that.
Samara Sahar 1b
LikeLiked by 1 person