I am an American who has lived in Leeuwarden since 1992. I am a second-year student at NHLStenden and am following the Flex Opleiding to become an English teacher.
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9 thoughts on “DWP #8: “No matter how thin you slice it, there will always be two sides”. Baruch Spinoza”
How I react to conflict depends entirely on the nature of the problem and the person. With some people I’ve known for years I know it’s best to walk out of the situation since they cannot be reasoned with. With others, I diffuse the tension and then try to engage in a conversation about our thoughts and feelings on the conflict so we can find a solution. If this isn’t possible, I let them know I’ll have a look at the problem later because I am in no state to give a sensible, polite reply.
When it comes to deep-rooted problems with people I’ve known forever (like family), I usually involuntarily dissociate. I become emotionally detached and assess the issue at hand with the rational part of my brain. Be that as it may, the moment said conflict is off the table, my brain crashes and my emotions go haywire.
In college, things usually go a little differently. Sure, I do dissociate and turn to rational thought, but my colleagues’ thoughts and feelings only matter when it comes to solving conflict and getting good grades. Very occasionally do I legitimately care about someone’s feelings and while that may sound very callous, it is the healthy thing to do. Imagine if you had to keep in mind the feelings of every single person you work with. You would go insane. On top of that, if you approach work/colleagues this way it is unlikely that you will form a bias and react emotionally.
The things stated in the previous paragraph I learned while working in the service industry, and it has greatly benefited my mental health. The less you care about people that hardly matter to you and wouldn’t do anything for you when push comes to shove, the better. The only thing that can be asked of you is that you are polite, and you do your job. It will get you far enough.
Conflict is something you deal with a lot of times when you are a young adult. You liked to me mentally challenged, as in a discussion, but as you hit puberty and get to know your own thoughts you come across conflicts with friends and family.
I have to admit, I was really easy when it comes to puberty. These or not my words, but of my parents. Because puberty went quite easily, I became mature faster than the people around me. That stirred some problems from time to time.
At first caused some emotions that were not my favourite; inside pain, anxiety, sadness. But after a while I got to deal with it.
Another aspect that is important in a conflict is, who are you dealing in a conflict. If it is a conflict with a customer at work for example, it does do anything to me. If you are happy to offend me and the rest of the company, well; be my guest hope you can sleep restless at night. However, if it is with my boyfriend or my best friend, feelings do get involved. In that case, you can win the conflict by showing feelings. Especially around boys, the moment you shed a tear, you won. No matter which arguments you have stated, you won.
However I like a friend- and relationships without conflicts and try to the best I can to avoid those kinds of events.
Conflict, while the word itself reflects negatively on the most, I believe that it creates opportunities. Of course depending on the kind of situation one finds himself in, we will react differently, be it friends, family, total strangers, no one will react the same to all of them. Maybe you want to take a side, maybe you yearn for a peaceful resolve, or maybe you just want to see the fists flying, I am not the one to tell you how you need to resolve an argument, however there is a piece of advice that I can give. When in a conflict, or when you see a conflict try to think about things that would benefit you, be egoistical and see with the eyes of a greedy person. The so called conflicts are just emotion filled opportunities for you to exploit, wanna get closer to someone? Want to earn their trust? support them in the time of conflict, give them encouragement and a pat on a back, their opinion of you will skyrocket. Want to know more about someone, conflict makes one emotionally vulnerable, susceptible to provocation and less careful about what they say out loud. The world of conflict is a paradise for manipulative opportunists and an unbeknownst hell to foolishly gullible targets. People will deny it, but as humans we are awfully trusting of the others, one just expects that the other wants to do good, or be a good person, yet even the nicest person can still be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
My reaction on conflict depends on the people that are involved in the conflict, but also on the context. Sometimes it is best to walk away from people when in a conflict, there is no reasoning with them, so why waste your time. Walking away might also give the people involved in the conflict a chance to think about it and maybe see it from a different perspective.
I haven’t been in a lot of conflicts during my 21 years on this world. I try to stay far away from it, and please as much people as I possibly can. I try to be understanding and see situations from their point of view and most importantly I stay calm, no matter what happens. Letting your emotions get the best of you always makes the situation worse. Emotions are something really tricky, they cloud your judgement and because of this you sometimes act to fast without thinking. This could result in you hurting other people’s feelings and making the situation even worse than it was before.
Even if I am really mad about something, I let the situation cool down and discuss the matter a couple of days later with a clear head, and hopefully a plan on how to solve this conflict as quick as possible.
I think staying calm and thinking about the feelings of other people, would help us avoid a lot of conflict.
Though the nature of conflict is not necessarily malevolent in my opinion, most people have a strong negative association with it. Admittedly, with the wrong people a clash of opinions can escalate into a full-blown fight. With the right people however, a disagreement can lead to a better understanding of each other’s point of view and a strengthened bond. This is something I have come to realise after years of bad and good conflict.
This positive effect that a quarrel can have is only achievable if one is open to different opinions, remains respectful and does not take things personal. In order to keep things calm and considerate, I personally stick to a few rules when dealing with conflict;
1. If the conflict happens over social media and is starting to escalate, I either put it on hold so I can discuss it in person, or I call them. Both of these ways help avoid miscommunication, which I know from personal experience occurs frequently when sparring with someone over WhatsApp, for example.
2. If you have a problem, share it immediately but politely. Though this may seem curt, it is a lot better than letting the annoyance grow within until you cannot even bring yourself to say it gently. Or even worse, not saying anything about the issue until it cannot be undone.
3. Realise when a conflict simply cannot be solved. This rule came to be after a particularly vexing conflict was constantly brought up by someone in my high school friend group. I knew I was not going to change my mind and she made it clear as day that she was not going to either, yet she still came back to the subject again and again.
As you may come to realise when reading this, those rules are about my standard outwards response. This is as my inwards response is first of all, very different depending on the subject and person and second of all, well, inwards. I have learned not to let emotions take control of my actions and words, as this gets you nowhere in life, and in relationships. Emotions are unreliable, especially in the mind of a teenager, which I still am. If I were to follow my feelings, I would have lost several great friends along the way from simple, mindless bursts of emotion.
At school we learned about the theory of Herbet Spencer after reading Charles Darwin’s ‘On the Origin of Species’, ‘the survival of the fittest’. Some people lean towards fighting back when confronted with conflict but others tend to run away from the problem. This is called the ‘fight or flight’ instinct.
Personally it depends what kind of a conflict I am faced with. If I happen to have a disagreement or argument with someone I love or know I immediately want to talk it out. I believe this is my fight instinct. I understand that sometimes it is better to give the other person some space but I am afraid of the space as dwelling can create quite a big problem.
On the other hand, if there was a dangerous situation going on I think I would jump into my flight instinct. I wouldn’t know what to do or how to help and I would be too scared to stick around and find out what is going on. I don’t like admitting this as I understand this could be seen as cowardly. But, it is also a guess of myself. I have never really been in a dangerous situation and therefore can only assume what actions I would undertake.
When it comes to my physical reaction it is easy. It is quite easy to see how I am feeling due to my facial expressions. I am not good at hiding them and quite often get told so.
In general, when it comes to conflict, it is best to stick to what feels good to you. You know best what will keep you going or alive and therefore you should not force another approach. Although, when it comes to disagreements it is good to also take into consideration what the other person needs in that time. Otherwise, the conflict may become bigger and it will be a never-ending argument.
How I react to conflicts really depends on the nature of the said conflict. In general, I try to remain calm and rational in all situations but when something matters to me, emotions can get involved and I can either get ugly or feel incredibly guilty, I’m only human after all. This is especially true for people that I care deeply about. I usually don’t try to avoid conflicts but sometimes I do, this is because I believe that if you avoid a conflict the tension can increase and the whole thing can escalate.
Whenever in an argument I think you don’t necessarily have to care about the other person’s feelings, this might sound cruel but it’s more practical really. This doesn’t mean you should be rude, mean or mocking the other person, absolutely not, it just means you shouldn’t sugarcoat your argument just for the sake of being sure the other person feels better. I do strongly believe one should always aim to remain polite, sensible and calm because anger, insults and calling names will never be in your favor, they might only make the thing worse.
To illustrate my point – forgive me for dragging this neverending topic to this writing prompt- I’ll take Black Pete as an example. Many people are incredibly emotional about the subject, especially when they’re against changing Black Pete. No matter, how close the person is to me, I will point out that Black Pete – not Saint Nicolas or the festivity itself – is, in fact, racist and outdated and should be changed. I don’t care if you love Black Pete or think your children deserve to grow up with the same tradition, all these arguments are solely based on either emotions or other fallacies and Black Pete is harmfull so I don’t care about the said person his or her emotions regarding the matter.
How I react to a person in a conflict depends completely on the situation. It also depends whether it is a friend or a stranger. When I have a conflict with a close friend or a family member, I always try to apologize on the exact same day as the argument. When I get in an argument with a stranger I really can’t care less about it the other day.
My grandma used to teach me that life is way too short to fight with someone and that every day can be your last one, so I try to keep some peace in every situation wherein I feel like I am about to scream around like an idiot.
In my head it is very hard to keep calm and to not burst out. Over the years I learned to controle my anger, but in my puberty I could get very aggressive with people who didn’t mind their own businesses. I learned that when people get angry and yell things out, it means that they don’t have other words left to say. It is better to stay calm and tell what bothers you in a peaceful way, so you will not trigger the other person and get into an even bigger fight with them. You can never win an argument with a negative person, they only hear what suits them and don’t even listen to your respond, so I focus on the idea whether it is important to make up the fight, or not.
I am very glad that I learned to controle myself, because in the past it has gotten me in some bad situations!
The way I react to conflict differently depending on the situation and the person. I’m generally a very calm person, but when the right person presses the right buttons I will go off on you and I will win the conflict. I have an amazing poker face, I am amazing at not showing any emotion at all and I use that to my advantage. I’m very good at keeping myself calm until I get to the point where I just break and go off. With certain people I am rarely able to stay calm and will reply very emotionally.
I think making up is important as long as the person is still important. If you don’t want to make up with a friend that turned out to be a bad person and you don’t want them in your life anymore that’s fine. If you don’t want to make up to a parent or other family member then that’s cool too. If you don’t want to keep a person in your life but do want to make up because you want closure that’s fine too. You just do what’s the best for you and do what you can handle.
Daily Writing Prompts 
How I react to conflict depends entirely on the nature of the problem and the person. With some people I’ve known for years I know it’s best to walk out of the situation since they cannot be reasoned with. With others, I diffuse the tension and then try to engage in a conversation about our thoughts and feelings on the conflict so we can find a solution. If this isn’t possible, I let them know I’ll have a look at the problem later because I am in no state to give a sensible, polite reply.
When it comes to deep-rooted problems with people I’ve known forever (like family), I usually involuntarily dissociate. I become emotionally detached and assess the issue at hand with the rational part of my brain. Be that as it may, the moment said conflict is off the table, my brain crashes and my emotions go haywire.
In college, things usually go a little differently. Sure, I do dissociate and turn to rational thought, but my colleagues’ thoughts and feelings only matter when it comes to solving conflict and getting good grades. Very occasionally do I legitimately care about someone’s feelings and while that may sound very callous, it is the healthy thing to do. Imagine if you had to keep in mind the feelings of every single person you work with. You would go insane. On top of that, if you approach work/colleagues this way it is unlikely that you will form a bias and react emotionally.
The things stated in the previous paragraph I learned while working in the service industry, and it has greatly benefited my mental health. The less you care about people that hardly matter to you and wouldn’t do anything for you when push comes to shove, the better. The only thing that can be asked of you is that you are polite, and you do your job. It will get you far enough.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Conflict is something you deal with a lot of times when you are a young adult. You liked to me mentally challenged, as in a discussion, but as you hit puberty and get to know your own thoughts you come across conflicts with friends and family.
I have to admit, I was really easy when it comes to puberty. These or not my words, but of my parents. Because puberty went quite easily, I became mature faster than the people around me. That stirred some problems from time to time.
At first caused some emotions that were not my favourite; inside pain, anxiety, sadness. But after a while I got to deal with it.
Another aspect that is important in a conflict is, who are you dealing in a conflict. If it is a conflict with a customer at work for example, it does do anything to me. If you are happy to offend me and the rest of the company, well; be my guest hope you can sleep restless at night. However, if it is with my boyfriend or my best friend, feelings do get involved. In that case, you can win the conflict by showing feelings. Especially around boys, the moment you shed a tear, you won. No matter which arguments you have stated, you won.
However I like a friend- and relationships without conflicts and try to the best I can to avoid those kinds of events.
Martine Schrik – EN2C
LikeLiked by 1 person
Conflict, while the word itself reflects negatively on the most, I believe that it creates opportunities. Of course depending on the kind of situation one finds himself in, we will react differently, be it friends, family, total strangers, no one will react the same to all of them. Maybe you want to take a side, maybe you yearn for a peaceful resolve, or maybe you just want to see the fists flying, I am not the one to tell you how you need to resolve an argument, however there is a piece of advice that I can give. When in a conflict, or when you see a conflict try to think about things that would benefit you, be egoistical and see with the eyes of a greedy person. The so called conflicts are just emotion filled opportunities for you to exploit, wanna get closer to someone? Want to earn their trust? support them in the time of conflict, give them encouragement and a pat on a back, their opinion of you will skyrocket. Want to know more about someone, conflict makes one emotionally vulnerable, susceptible to provocation and less careful about what they say out loud. The world of conflict is a paradise for manipulative opportunists and an unbeknownst hell to foolishly gullible targets. People will deny it, but as humans we are awfully trusting of the others, one just expects that the other wants to do good, or be a good person, yet even the nicest person can still be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My reaction on conflict depends on the people that are involved in the conflict, but also on the context. Sometimes it is best to walk away from people when in a conflict, there is no reasoning with them, so why waste your time. Walking away might also give the people involved in the conflict a chance to think about it and maybe see it from a different perspective.
I haven’t been in a lot of conflicts during my 21 years on this world. I try to stay far away from it, and please as much people as I possibly can. I try to be understanding and see situations from their point of view and most importantly I stay calm, no matter what happens. Letting your emotions get the best of you always makes the situation worse. Emotions are something really tricky, they cloud your judgement and because of this you sometimes act to fast without thinking. This could result in you hurting other people’s feelings and making the situation even worse than it was before.
Even if I am really mad about something, I let the situation cool down and discuss the matter a couple of days later with a clear head, and hopefully a plan on how to solve this conflict as quick as possible.
I think staying calm and thinking about the feelings of other people, would help us avoid a lot of conflict.
Sabrina Spaan – VO Engels 2C
LikeLiked by 1 person
Though the nature of conflict is not necessarily malevolent in my opinion, most people have a strong negative association with it. Admittedly, with the wrong people a clash of opinions can escalate into a full-blown fight. With the right people however, a disagreement can lead to a better understanding of each other’s point of view and a strengthened bond. This is something I have come to realise after years of bad and good conflict.
This positive effect that a quarrel can have is only achievable if one is open to different opinions, remains respectful and does not take things personal. In order to keep things calm and considerate, I personally stick to a few rules when dealing with conflict;
1. If the conflict happens over social media and is starting to escalate, I either put it on hold so I can discuss it in person, or I call them. Both of these ways help avoid miscommunication, which I know from personal experience occurs frequently when sparring with someone over WhatsApp, for example.
2. If you have a problem, share it immediately but politely. Though this may seem curt, it is a lot better than letting the annoyance grow within until you cannot even bring yourself to say it gently. Or even worse, not saying anything about the issue until it cannot be undone.
3. Realise when a conflict simply cannot be solved. This rule came to be after a particularly vexing conflict was constantly brought up by someone in my high school friend group. I knew I was not going to change my mind and she made it clear as day that she was not going to either, yet she still came back to the subject again and again.
As you may come to realise when reading this, those rules are about my standard outwards response. This is as my inwards response is first of all, very different depending on the subject and person and second of all, well, inwards. I have learned not to let emotions take control of my actions and words, as this gets you nowhere in life, and in relationships. Emotions are unreliable, especially in the mind of a teenager, which I still am. If I were to follow my feelings, I would have lost several great friends along the way from simple, mindless bursts of emotion.
LikeLiked by 1 person
At school we learned about the theory of Herbet Spencer after reading Charles Darwin’s ‘On the Origin of Species’, ‘the survival of the fittest’. Some people lean towards fighting back when confronted with conflict but others tend to run away from the problem. This is called the ‘fight or flight’ instinct.
Personally it depends what kind of a conflict I am faced with. If I happen to have a disagreement or argument with someone I love or know I immediately want to talk it out. I believe this is my fight instinct. I understand that sometimes it is better to give the other person some space but I am afraid of the space as dwelling can create quite a big problem.
On the other hand, if there was a dangerous situation going on I think I would jump into my flight instinct. I wouldn’t know what to do or how to help and I would be too scared to stick around and find out what is going on. I don’t like admitting this as I understand this could be seen as cowardly. But, it is also a guess of myself. I have never really been in a dangerous situation and therefore can only assume what actions I would undertake.
When it comes to my physical reaction it is easy. It is quite easy to see how I am feeling due to my facial expressions. I am not good at hiding them and quite often get told so.
In general, when it comes to conflict, it is best to stick to what feels good to you. You know best what will keep you going or alive and therefore you should not force another approach. Although, when it comes to disagreements it is good to also take into consideration what the other person needs in that time. Otherwise, the conflict may become bigger and it will be a never-ending argument.
Femke Calame Fonville, 2A.
LikeLiked by 1 person
How I react to conflicts really depends on the nature of the said conflict. In general, I try to remain calm and rational in all situations but when something matters to me, emotions can get involved and I can either get ugly or feel incredibly guilty, I’m only human after all. This is especially true for people that I care deeply about. I usually don’t try to avoid conflicts but sometimes I do, this is because I believe that if you avoid a conflict the tension can increase and the whole thing can escalate.
Whenever in an argument I think you don’t necessarily have to care about the other person’s feelings, this might sound cruel but it’s more practical really. This doesn’t mean you should be rude, mean or mocking the other person, absolutely not, it just means you shouldn’t sugarcoat your argument just for the sake of being sure the other person feels better. I do strongly believe one should always aim to remain polite, sensible and calm because anger, insults and calling names will never be in your favor, they might only make the thing worse.
To illustrate my point – forgive me for dragging this neverending topic to this writing prompt- I’ll take Black Pete as an example. Many people are incredibly emotional about the subject, especially when they’re against changing Black Pete. No matter, how close the person is to me, I will point out that Black Pete – not Saint Nicolas or the festivity itself – is, in fact, racist and outdated and should be changed. I don’t care if you love Black Pete or think your children deserve to grow up with the same tradition, all these arguments are solely based on either emotions or other fallacies and Black Pete is harmfull so I don’t care about the said person his or her emotions regarding the matter.
That basically sums up my ideas about conflicts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
How I react to a person in a conflict depends completely on the situation. It also depends whether it is a friend or a stranger. When I have a conflict with a close friend or a family member, I always try to apologize on the exact same day as the argument. When I get in an argument with a stranger I really can’t care less about it the other day.
My grandma used to teach me that life is way too short to fight with someone and that every day can be your last one, so I try to keep some peace in every situation wherein I feel like I am about to scream around like an idiot.
In my head it is very hard to keep calm and to not burst out. Over the years I learned to controle my anger, but in my puberty I could get very aggressive with people who didn’t mind their own businesses. I learned that when people get angry and yell things out, it means that they don’t have other words left to say. It is better to stay calm and tell what bothers you in a peaceful way, so you will not trigger the other person and get into an even bigger fight with them. You can never win an argument with a negative person, they only hear what suits them and don’t even listen to your respond, so I focus on the idea whether it is important to make up the fight, or not.
I am very glad that I learned to controle myself, because in the past it has gotten me in some bad situations!
Hanneke Hiemstra, 1B
LikeLiked by 1 person
The way I react to conflict differently depending on the situation and the person. I’m generally a very calm person, but when the right person presses the right buttons I will go off on you and I will win the conflict. I have an amazing poker face, I am amazing at not showing any emotion at all and I use that to my advantage. I’m very good at keeping myself calm until I get to the point where I just break and go off. With certain people I am rarely able to stay calm and will reply very emotionally.
I think making up is important as long as the person is still important. If you don’t want to make up with a friend that turned out to be a bad person and you don’t want them in your life anymore that’s fine. If you don’t want to make up to a parent or other family member then that’s cool too. If you don’t want to keep a person in your life but do want to make up because you want closure that’s fine too. You just do what’s the best for you and do what you can handle.
Samara Sahar 1b
LikeLiked by 1 person